Kokoro

I've been sad lately, all these months as a matter of fact... I finally got to see my Godmother and that made me very happy. I have missed her so, so much... because of some issues we weren't able to see each other. And that is exactly the motive of me writing here. I don't even know why it's important, but it is... Recently my aunt asked me how I was doing with men, if there was someone who reached my heart and I told her there wasn't, but I lied because I had to. There is someone that touches my heart for some reason I don't even understand. I can't explain too much here, but... that person doesn't want to see me because he's ashamed of doing so because of those same problems that took place. It's unfair how things turn out sometimes, maybe he and I will meet again some day... only God will say if that is possible. I really, really hope that it's possible because... he's a whisper in my heart hehe... I guess only I understand what I write, but that's ok. I'm sad, but I still have hope.

Makoto

I've been playing the game "Sweet Fuse", lately I've played a lot of otome games. This game released recently (August 27th). I love playing it, I think I haven't enjoyed a videogame in a long time. Today I just finished Makoto Mikami's route, I wanted to leave his to the last, but I just couldn't resist it hehe. Makoto is a very interesting character... at the end of his story... I liked him a lot. 

The thing with Makoto is that he touched a very thin fiber inside of me. I cried in his ending because of something he said; which was "I'm not lonely anymore" (or something of the sort). Maybe a lot of people consider he's nuts or something like that, but I can understand him pretty well. This entry is not to write about him precisely, but to express the feeling he made me remember. I have felt lonely all my life as well, and I've wanted someone to save me too. I've always dreamed of a love so big that it has the capacity to heal me and save me from all the pain that I've gone through. 

Being alone is not something easy at all, it's a painful thing. Throughout my life, many people have hurt me deeply... especially my family. That's the reason why I'm not very open with others because I don't want to get hurt anymore. When I was a teenager, I consistently thought of going away... far away from where I live. In the end, what I really wanted to do was run away from my problems and my sorrow. The truth is that pain never goes away unless you face it, it doesn't matter how much you want to run away from it or how much distance you think you put in between because it will always reach you. 

This character, Makoto, only wanted to find a sense to all his sadness and pain. I guess that's what I've wanted all this time too. When you've gone through so much... you just want to know why... and if it has been for a reason. All I have wanted is for someone to hold me and make me feel that all has been worth it. Honestly, I have learned that I can't expect anybody to save me because no one has that power. A man can't heal me or save me... only God can. And at the end of all this... I, too, want to say: "I'm not lonely anymore" with a smile from the bottom of my heart. I have faith that that day will come soon. 

Kazama Chikage... again :P

Like I said last time, I wanted to buy one of the limited editions of the new Hakuouki plushies from GIFT. I wanted Okita and Kazama so bad, the only thing is that they're only sold in an online japan store; it unfortunately only sells to people living in Japan. And bad luck 'cause Okita is sold out, but GOOD news because Kazama isn't :D I asked at a local store if they could order it for me somehow, but haven't answered me and it's almost going to be a week since I posted the request. So... the answer I think will be no or something like that, so I learned new stuff these days... will be expensive, but I will use a page named Shopping Mall Japan to buy this plush. They buy things for you in Japan and send them to you... but that's the thing, the shipping is very expensive. But at least for me... Kazama is totally worth it :) Hijikata is still available, but I don't have enough money to buy him too :(

So I'll try this SMJ system, hope they can get the plush for me. And if it works maybe when I have money I'll buy Hijikata too. If not, well... too bad :( The other thing I really want to buy is the costume of Kazama because I want to do a cosplay of him. This is a costume I can't actually make by myself because it's a kimono with many details, so... I prefer to buy it. Expensive too though... so I'll have to save up a lot to buy it.

Kazama Chikage Plush

Hoy me vino mi plush de Kazama Chikage :) Llegó antes de lo esperado. Sucede que siempre he querido un peluche de Hakuouki Shinsengumi Kitan, sin embargo terminé comprando el que menos hubiera imaginado. Todo comenzó porque vi que Gift había sacado una edición limitada de los personajes de Hakuouki en yukata; me parecieron tan lindos, pero lamentablemente llegué tarde. Ya todos están agotados :( Y la verdad es que me puse a buscar porque recientemente terminé de ver por fin Hakuouki Sekkaroku. El último episodio de esta "temporada" es el de Kazama Chikage. 

La verdad es que nunca me gustó Kazama porque para empezar es el enemigo del Shinsengumi, y es un oni que anda detrás de Chizuru; nunca pierde el tiempo en recalcar que la quiere para crear una familia de onis. Básicamente toda mi "negatividad" hacia Chikage cambió en cuanto vi este episodio que mencioné anteriormente. Usualmente él siempre se aproxima a Chizuru de una forma forzosa porque digamos que sabe lo que quiere y lo quiere obtener. Todo eso cambia de alguna forma en este capítulo porque vemos a un Kazama, que con tal de conquistar a Chizuru, se comporta de una forma dulce. Realmente se podría decir que eso fue lo que me conquistó de este personaje porque quiso cambiar algo de él con tal de complacerla a ella. 

En fin, me puse a buscar peluches de Hakuouki, siempre he querido uno de Hijikata Toshizo o de Okita Souji. Ahora todos los peluches están muy caros, los de versión normal claro, pero el de Chikage curiosamente lo encontré más accesible. Y pues, lo compré... y aquí está. Esto me demuestra que definitivamente la vida da muchas vueltas porque el personaje que nunca quise ahora lo tengo en peluche. 

He aquí una foto que le tomé a mi plush de Chikage :D 

Corona de Adviento

Y ayer por primera vez en mi vida encendí el primer cirio de la Corona de Adviento. El Adviento es un tiempo de espera, simboliza la venida de Cristo. La Guirnalda representa la eternidad, porque Dios es eterno, y el verde del ciprés es el símbolo de la vida eterna. Ayer fue el primer día de Adviento y por lo tanto encendimos la primera vela que simboliza la esperanza. Ésta es una costumbre católica y por eso mismo nunca lo había celebrado, siendo mi padre evangélico nunca hicimos tal cosa. Desde hace un tiempo yo me decidí por ser católica y por ello empecé con esto. Nunca, como es natural, he hecho mi primera comunión ni ningún otro sacramento aparte del Bautizo.

En realidad la celebración del Adviento ayer fue un milagro. Sucede que yo me puse a llorar porque cierta persona me prometió tantas cosas que no ha cumplido, entre ellas fue darme a conocer el Adviento... y no me llamó ni nada. Como mi madre me vio sollozando, pues me llevó a la Iglesia que está por aquí y estaban vendiendo las coronas. Ella sí fue católica toda su vida, pero ya no lo practica y por lo tanto no sabía realmente qué había que hacer para esta celebración. Comenzó a preguntarle a las señoras que vendían las guirnaldas qué es lo que debíamos rezar, y cómo era el procedimiento. Ellas muy amablemente trataron de explicarnos, y pues mi madre y yo acordamos hacer el rito cuando el reloj diera las 6 de la tarde. Así fue efectivamente, claro que probablemente no lo hicimos todo como debía ser porque somos dos inexpertas, pero lo que cuenta es la intención. Al parecer mi mamá notó lo feliz que yo me puse porque me compró la Corona de Adviento, y es verdad porque ya no podía pasar otro año sin conocer lo que era eso.

Estoy agradecida porque fue gracias a Dios que ayer hayamos prendido la primera vela, y este Domingo nos espera la siguiente. No sé cuándo voy a introducirme por fin a la Iglesia Católica, a veces parece que nunca va a ser, pero yo confío en que será pronto. Quiero llenarme de Dios, quiero sentir su amor porque sólo Él puede sanar mis heridas. Siento ira muchas veces, de pensar que nunca llega el día en el que por fin logre ir a una comunidad cristiana y pertenecer a la Iglesia como debe ser. La persona que prometió hacer todas esas cosas... me lo ha estado prometiendo ya desde hace meses, sin embargo por razones que desconozco no lo cumple. Pero espero que la espera ya no se haga más larga... necesito estar más cerca de Dios, necesito conocerlo más porque es lo que le falta a mi vida.

Miracles

Many people don't believe in miracles, but that's because they don't believe in God. I believe that they DO exist, and lately I've witnessed many of them. Today for the first time, after twelve years, I'm wearing earrings. This is truly a miracle because I didn't like them one bit, I stopped wearing them since I was 11 years-old. This is obviously because of my great advances in life... that this is happening... I'm changing, naturally for good. Something happened the other day, that was also miraculous, but I'm not writing about that here; let's say it's a secret. I feel that many miracles have come to my life and I'm very happy about it. Having won Math class was also a miracle, I worked hard for that final test, and I actually won it.

I think that miracles can occur for anyone, even for those who don't believe in them... it's just that they're so blind, they can't see them. We have the capacity to change our lives as we want to, it takes strength and effort, but of course because nothing is effort-free in this life. The big prize after so much work is satisfaction! And boy does it feel so good! And of course, miracles are possible because of God. I am with Him every step of the way, and I know the path that is awaiting me is great because I have been fighting for a better tomorrow all my life. :)

Poseidon Crown

Poseidón es un personaje de Saint Seiya (Caballeros del Zodiaco) y su nombre es Julian Solo. Así como Athena se llama Saori Kido. Recientemente sacaron una Saint Cloth Crown de Poseidón. Y está completamente hermosa, ¡me encanta! El único problema es que es cara :( Sin embargo, estoy segura que vale cada centavo... porque aparentemente es una figura bastante grande. Pero no me rindo tan facil, voy a pedirla para Navidad :D (Si es que me la compran claro está). 

Un poco de información sobre la figura:

• Es de Bandai.
• Escala 1/6 (30 cm de altura)
• Material: ABS, PVC, Diecast de Cobre y Hierro (la armadura).

Realmente nunca he tenido una Myth Cloth, me han llamado la atención algunas, pero ninguna como esta. La que más he querido es la de Aioria de Leo, pero esta Poseidon Crown le gana por mucho. Me encanta que sea una figura tan grande :) Ufff sinceramente si consigo esta belleza, juro que soy capaz de ponerla en una vitrina jajaja.