Kokoro

I've been sad lately, all these months as a matter of fact... I finally got to see my Godmother and that made me very happy. I have missed her so, so much... because of some issues we weren't able to see each other. And that is exactly the motive of me writing here. I don't even know why it's important, but it is... Recently my aunt asked me how I was doing with men, if there was someone who reached my heart and I told her there wasn't, but I lied because I had to. There is someone that touches my heart for some reason I don't even understand. I can't explain too much here, but... that person doesn't want to see me because he's ashamed of doing so because of those same problems that took place. It's unfair how things turn out sometimes, maybe he and I will meet again some day... only God will say if that is possible. I really, really hope that it's possible because... he's a whisper in my heart hehe... I guess only I understand what I write, but that's ok. I'm sad, but I still have hope.

Makoto

I've been playing the game "Sweet Fuse", lately I've played a lot of otome games. This game released recently (August 27th). I love playing it, I think I haven't enjoyed a videogame in a long time. Today I just finished Makoto Mikami's route, I wanted to leave his to the last, but I just couldn't resist it hehe. Makoto is a very interesting character... at the end of his story... I liked him a lot. 

The thing with Makoto is that he touched a very thin fiber inside of me. I cried in his ending because of something he said; which was "I'm not lonely anymore" (or something of the sort). Maybe a lot of people consider he's nuts or something like that, but I can understand him pretty well. This entry is not to write about him precisely, but to express the feeling he made me remember. I have felt lonely all my life as well, and I've wanted someone to save me too. I've always dreamed of a love so big that it has the capacity to heal me and save me from all the pain that I've gone through. 

Being alone is not something easy at all, it's a painful thing. Throughout my life, many people have hurt me deeply... especially my family. That's the reason why I'm not very open with others because I don't want to get hurt anymore. When I was a teenager, I consistently thought of going away... far away from where I live. In the end, what I really wanted to do was run away from my problems and my sorrow. The truth is that pain never goes away unless you face it, it doesn't matter how much you want to run away from it or how much distance you think you put in between because it will always reach you. 

This character, Makoto, only wanted to find a sense to all his sadness and pain. I guess that's what I've wanted all this time too. When you've gone through so much... you just want to know why... and if it has been for a reason. All I have wanted is for someone to hold me and make me feel that all has been worth it. Honestly, I have learned that I can't expect anybody to save me because no one has that power. A man can't heal me or save me... only God can. And at the end of all this... I, too, want to say: "I'm not lonely anymore" with a smile from the bottom of my heart. I have faith that that day will come soon. 

Kazama Chikage... again :P

Like I said last time, I wanted to buy one of the limited editions of the new Hakuouki plushies from GIFT. I wanted Okita and Kazama so bad, the only thing is that they're only sold in an online japan store; it unfortunately only sells to people living in Japan. And bad luck 'cause Okita is sold out, but GOOD news because Kazama isn't :D I asked at a local store if they could order it for me somehow, but haven't answered me and it's almost going to be a week since I posted the request. So... the answer I think will be no or something like that, so I learned new stuff these days... will be expensive, but I will use a page named Shopping Mall Japan to buy this plush. They buy things for you in Japan and send them to you... but that's the thing, the shipping is very expensive. But at least for me... Kazama is totally worth it :) Hijikata is still available, but I don't have enough money to buy him too :(

So I'll try this SMJ system, hope they can get the plush for me. And if it works maybe when I have money I'll buy Hijikata too. If not, well... too bad :( The other thing I really want to buy is the costume of Kazama because I want to do a cosplay of him. This is a costume I can't actually make by myself because it's a kimono with many details, so... I prefer to buy it. Expensive too though... so I'll have to save up a lot to buy it.

Kazama Chikage Plush

Hoy me vino mi plush de Kazama Chikage :) Llegó antes de lo esperado. Sucede que siempre he querido un peluche de Hakuouki Shinsengumi Kitan, sin embargo terminé comprando el que menos hubiera imaginado. Todo comenzó porque vi que Gift había sacado una edición limitada de los personajes de Hakuouki en yukata; me parecieron tan lindos, pero lamentablemente llegué tarde. Ya todos están agotados :( Y la verdad es que me puse a buscar porque recientemente terminé de ver por fin Hakuouki Sekkaroku. El último episodio de esta "temporada" es el de Kazama Chikage. 

La verdad es que nunca me gustó Kazama porque para empezar es el enemigo del Shinsengumi, y es un oni que anda detrás de Chizuru; nunca pierde el tiempo en recalcar que la quiere para crear una familia de onis. Básicamente toda mi "negatividad" hacia Chikage cambió en cuanto vi este episodio que mencioné anteriormente. Usualmente él siempre se aproxima a Chizuru de una forma forzosa porque digamos que sabe lo que quiere y lo quiere obtener. Todo eso cambia de alguna forma en este capítulo porque vemos a un Kazama, que con tal de conquistar a Chizuru, se comporta de una forma dulce. Realmente se podría decir que eso fue lo que me conquistó de este personaje porque quiso cambiar algo de él con tal de complacerla a ella. 

En fin, me puse a buscar peluches de Hakuouki, siempre he querido uno de Hijikata Toshizo o de Okita Souji. Ahora todos los peluches están muy caros, los de versión normal claro, pero el de Chikage curiosamente lo encontré más accesible. Y pues, lo compré... y aquí está. Esto me demuestra que definitivamente la vida da muchas vueltas porque el personaje que nunca quise ahora lo tengo en peluche. 

He aquí una foto que le tomé a mi plush de Chikage :D